1. Talk about your feelings and seek support.
- Talk to someone (an adult) you trust: It could be a friend, teacher, mentor, relative, or a professional (e.g., a psychologist).
- Seek professional help: A psychologist or counselor can help you understand your feelings and find better ways to cope with them. Not every helper may be the right fit for you, and that's okay. You can switch helpers until you find someone you connect with.
- Call a crisis hotline or write if you feel you need immediate help, such as contacting Child Helpline (116 111; www.lasteabi.ee).
2. Try to accept your feelings and thoughts.
- Understand that your feelings, whether anger, sadness, fear, or hopelessness, are a normal reaction to difficult experiences.
- Try not to suppress your feelings but find safe ways to express them. Note: Accepting your feelings doesn’t mean you have to love or be satisfied with the difficult emotions. It means not trying to ignore or suppress them. Instead, you allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling in the moment and understand that emotions themselves are not “bad” or “wrong”—they are simply part of your experience. For example, if you’re angry, you can say to yourself: “I am feeling anger right now, and that’s normal because I’ve had difficult moments.”
Why is accepting your feelings important?
When you try to suppress or ignore your feelings, they can build up and become even more overwhelming. Accepting your emotions helps you understand them better and find ways to cope with them. It can also reduce feelings of guilt or shame you may experience regarding your emotions.
How to accept your feelings?
a) Acknowledge your feelings
- Ask yourself: "What am I feeling right now?" Is it anger, sadness, anxiety, fear, or confusion?
- Notice physical signs as well, such as tension in the body, a rapid heartbeat, or restlessness, which indicate emotions.
- Don't try to judge or fight your feelings—just observe them.
b) Allow yourself to feel
- Remind yourself that feelings are natural. Everyone experiences anger, sadness, or hopelessness from time to time.
- You can say to yourself: "This feeling is present within me right now, but it won't stay here forever."
c) Find safe ways to express your feelings
If the feelings seem overwhelming, it’s important to find ways to express them safely:
- Writing: Put your feelings on paper, no matter how confused or intense they seem. Keeping a journal can also help you understand what triggers your emotions.
- Creative activities: Draw, paint, or write poetry—creativity helps process emotions.
- Physical activity:If you feel intense anger or tension, physical activity, such as running or even hitting a pillow, can help release energy.
- Talking to someone you trust: Sometimes, simply sharing helps—having someone listen without judgment can make a difference.
What to do when the emotions are very intense?
Sometimes, emotions can be so intense that you feel like you can't handle them. When this happens:
- Take a break: Allow yourself a few minutes to breathe deeply and focus only on your breathing. For example, inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, and then exhale for 6 seconds.
- Speak to yourself calmly: Say something supportive to yourself, such as: "This feeling is difficult, but it will pass. I can handle this."
- Seek help: If you feel that the situation is too difficult, talk to a trusted adult or seek professional help.
Remember that feelings are temporary.
Feelings, even very difficult ones, do not last forever. Sometimes they may feel overwhelming, but over time and with acceptance, they become less intense. By accepting your emotions, you give yourself the opportunity to understand them better and let them go.
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Accepting your feelings may not come easily at first—it takes practice. In the beginning, it may feel difficult, but the more you practice, the more natural it will become.
3. Try to avoid impulsive decisions (we know it's easier said than done)
What is an impulsive decision, and why do we make them?
An impulsive decision is a quick action driven by strong emotions such as anger, sadness, anxiety, or frustration. It’s a way for the body and mind to attempt immediate relief from being overwhelmed. For example, self-harm may seem like a momentary solution to emotional pain because it shifts focus from emotions to physical sensations. However, in the long term, it often leads to more guilt and harm. When emotions are intense, it can feel like the only way to control them is to do something immediately—often impulsively and without thorough consideration. But such decisions, like self-harm, sudden conflicts, or harmful behaviors, do not address the root cause of the emotions. Instead, they can make those feelings even heavier over time.
How to avoid impulsive decisions?
1. Recognize the rise of your impulse
- Notice the physical and emotional signs indicating that you are about to react impulsively.
- Examples of physical signs: kiirenenud südametöö, pingetunne kehas, rahutus, vajadus midagi kohe teha.
- Examples of emotional signs: feeling like you can't control anything, the urge to "escape" or "punish." Tell yourself: "I feel the need to act right away, but I will give myself a pause to understand this better."
2. Take your time and delay the decision
When you feel a strong impulse, try to delay the decision you want to make. Think of it as "buying time," which helps you better understand your emotions.
- Set a time limit: Tell yourself, "I will wait 10 minutes before doing anything."
- Look at the clock and focus on something else until the time passes. If you can, gradually extend this time, for example, to 15 or 20 minutes.
3. Find alternative ways to release the impulse
Kui tunned, et pead midagi tegema, vali alternatiiv, mis on vähem kahjulik ja aitab sul tunnetega toime tulla.
Examples:
- Release the emotion: Cut pieces of paper, squeeze a stress ball, or tear an old newspaper into small pieces.
- Physical activity: Take a quick walk, run in place, do a few squats, or jump. Physical movement helps calm the body.
- Feel your body: Dip your hands in cold water, wash your face, or hold a cold object (e.g., an ice pack). The physical sensation redirects your focus.
- Breathing: Deep breathing helps you calm down. Try inhaling for 4 seconds, holding your breath for 4 seconds, and exhaling for 6 seconds.
4. Write down your feelings
Writing is a great way to express and understand your emotions. If you feel like you're struggling to cope, grab a piece of paper and start writing.
How to start:
- Write down: "Right now, I feel..." and let your thoughts flow. Don’t worry about finding the right words or grammar mistakes—just write.
- Ask yourself: "Why do I feel this way? What happened that triggered this feeling?"
- You can also write about the action you want to take and consider whether it would actually help you. For example: "I want to hurt myself because I feel... But will this solve my problem? How will I feel afterward?"
After writing down your thoughts, read them over and reflect on whether you feel any relief. This often helps ease emotions and gives you a greater sense of control.
5. Focus on a positive solution
Impulsive decisions often arise from the feeling that there are no other ways to cope with the pain. Remind yourself that there are always alternatives, and any choice that does not harm you or others is a step toward a better version of yourself.
Examples of positive solutions:
- Talk to someone you trust—a friend, family member, or counselor.
- Listen to your favorite music or watch something that calms you.
- Try something that usually brings you joy or peace—such as drawing, playing a game, or spending time in nature.
6. Remember that pauses create opportunities
When you give yourself a pause and avoid impulsive actions, it becomes a habit. Every time you delay and choose something healthier, you give your mind and body the chance to learn that emotions don’t have to control you.
Example:
Strong emotion and impulsive urge: You feel angry and anxious after an argument with a friend and want to harm yourself to "transfer the pain." How to act:
- You notice that you have this urge and say to yourself: "I will wait 10 minutes."
- During this time, you write in your journal: "I feel like I am not being understood right now. I am very angry and sad because I want my friend to understand me."
- Instead of acting on the urge, you grab a stress ball and squeeze it until the anger subsides.
- Later, you decide to calmly talk to your friend when you feel better.
Give yourself the opportunity to choose a better path.
Impulsive decisions may seem tempting in the moment because they offer quick relief. But every time you take a pause, choose an alternative, and talk to yourself supportively, you build a stronger emotional balance. This doesn’t happen overnight, but step by step, you can learn to cope better—and choose solutions that truly help you. 💛
- If you feel a strong urge to hurt yourself, try taking 5-10 minutes to think about alternatives.
- Write down how you're feeling in the moment and see if it helps ease your emotions.
4. Try to learn to be more mindful
- Breathing exercises: Deep and slow breathing helps calm anxiety and intense emotions.
- Focusing exercises help you be more present in the moment and reduce overwhelm. For example, you can find various breathing exercises here: [https://vaikuseminutid.ee/vaikuseminutite-harjutused/]
5. Seek positive experiences.
- Find activities that bring joy or peace (e.g., spending time in nature, exercising, cooking, reading, watching movies).
- Try small goals: for example, do something that feels easy but gives you a sense of accomplishment.
6. Create a safe environment.
- If it's difficult to be at home, find places where you can be at peace (e.g., a library, youth center, a friend's house).
- Stay away from things that could cause harm to yourself or others or create more damage.
7. Try to reduce harmful habits.
- If you consume alcohol or other substances, try to think about how they actually affect you. Avoid situations where they are easily accessible.
- If you notice violent feelings, try other ways to release tension, such as exercise.
8. Create dreams and goals for yourself.
- Imagine what you would like to be like in the future. Write down some smaller steps that will help you get there.
- Even a small progress, like finishing a school project or learning a new skill, gives a strong boost of confidence.
9. Find community and belonging.
- Join groups or organizations that focus on topics important to you (e.g., youth organizations, hobby clubs).
- Surround yourself with people who understand you and whom you can trust.
10. Be kind and patient with yourself.
- Give yourself permission to be someone who makes mistakes and needs time to heal and feel better.
- Practice self-compassion: speak to yourself as you would to a friend who needs comfort.