Imagine you are a young person looking for direction, belonging, and support in life, but you find yourself in a situation where
your trust is being abused. Abuse of trust, especially in relationships where there is power
imbalance can be such a trauma that it affects the young person's entire future life.
sexual harassment and/or abuse has been justified a lot in the last week
attention. Unfortunately, this is not just an isolated incident, but a reflection of a wider
a problem that affects many children and young people.
Reading about such topics gives me mixed feelings. On the one hand, I'm glad,
that we dare to speak out more and more about the violence that many around us unfortunately experience
constantly. One of the most dangerous forms of violence is sexual violence. In Estonia, in 2022,
731 sexual crimes, which is approximately 20% more than the previous year. Approximately
90% of these cases involved a minor victim and contact sexual crimes
the average age of the victims was 12. The rapid development of technology has led to a large proportion
sexual crimes, but also other forms of crime, the internet. The more aware we are,
the less crimes can be committed against children and young people and the more we
we notice and dare to speak about it, the less these actions are possible
to remain unnoticed.
On the other hand, it is painful and difficult to read how many children and young people have experienced harassment and
experience abuse, and unfortunately, it is often done by people who have so-called power
about these young people. The story that has been reported in the media in recent days is, in my opinion, the highlight
brought up an important topic that is not talked about too much: children and young people are constantly
in power relations. On the one hand, the power relationship as such in the context of children and adults is still
a normal part of life: parents are responsible for their children; teachers guide students through education
acquisition; coaches are responsible for the physical development of young people, the preparation of training plans and
for discipline, etc. At the same time, it is important to recognize that although power relations are a part of life,
inevitable part, children and young people are in a particularly vulnerable position in power relations.
Adults may take advantage of their authority, position, knowledge, or emotional
influence. It can be conscious or unconscious, and sometimes it can be well-intentioned,
but with harmful consequences for the life of the child and young person. For example, an adult may use his/her
position to make a young person do something against their will, such as participating in activities,
what he does not want. Young people can be misled into believing something that is not true,
using complex wording or an expert position. It also happens that adults
can make young people feel ungrateful or inadequate if they disagree or do not
perform the behavior expected by an adult.
This exploitation of power relationships can lead to a loss of trust, a decline in young people's self-esteem, the emergence of dependent relationships and trauma. Young people whose voices, feelings and
If their independence is not respected, they may begin to doubt their decisions and abilities, which will affect their development and self-confidence in the future.
More vulnerable young people
When addressing power relations, it is important to remember that young people are at their most vulnerable.
a vulnerable target group in any case due to their life experience and dependence on adults. But there is also
young people who may be even more vulnerable than other young people and children. These are young people who
come from homes with difficult relationships or who have experienced trauma (e.g. bullying,
abuse, neglect, separation from birth family, etc.) When a young person grows up
in an environment where there is no stable emotional support or where violence and neglect prevail
leaving, he may start looking for a sense of security outside. Unfortunately, adults who
want to manipulate young people, exploit this need. If a young person has already experienced
neglect, emotional, physical or sexual abuse, he may
sense of boundaries may be blurred. He may feel that what is happening to him is something he
“worthy” or what is “normal”.
Many children and young people do not know when an adult's behavior is inappropriate or how to respond to it.
children and young people's need to belong, feel accepted and receive support,
that they cannot find elsewhere may be used intentionally and maliciously. In addition
There are other ways in which vulnerable young people are exploited, including sexual abuse.
Young people who feel lonely or lack a support network are easy to recruit
for example, to engage in crime or human trafficking. Vulnerable young people are also exploited
in work environments: they are offered less pay, are not paid at all, or are not given
the opportunity to work officially.
The need and opportunities for reducing power relations
Eliminating power relations in society is not realistic, but there are several ways to do so.
adults can consciously reduce and create a position of power for children and young people
a safer and more equitable environment to reduce the risk of children and young people
the risk of manipulation and abuse and to help young people develop self-confidence,
self-confidence, independence, and the courage to stand up for yourself and your needs.
In the context of prevention, I recommend developing the ability to say “No” in children from a very early age.
skill. Explain to the child from a young age that he always has the right to refuse a hug and
kissing, no matter how well-intentioned it may seem. Emphasize to the child that
You don't have to endure uncomfortable situations and you always have the right to say NO, and this is not limited to
physical discomfort but also emotional discomfort, so define together
clear and safe boundaries regarding communication. An adult can explain that the rules
are important for mutual security and it is important for both parties to follow them.
The voices and views of children and young people contribute to reducing the position of power.
really listening and respecting. I hear too much from young people in my work ““I don’t believe it anyway
"No one talks to me, I don't talk at all." and at the same time they would like adults to: "Listen to me and
"Be interested in me, believe what I say." When a young person feels that their opinion is valuable
and is really listened to, he does not feel that the adult is dominating, but that he also has a role to play.
the opportunity to control their own life. This increases the young person's self-confidence and courage to stand up for themselves.
for rights even in difficult situations – after all, it is still the case that although adults
responsibility lies with children and young people, we cannot forget that the expert in our own lives is
everyone, including children and young people.
Discuss with children and young people what the responsibilities of an adult (e.g. a teacher, coach or parent) are and
why this is so. Also talk openly about the limits of adult power
and that young people have the right to set their own boundaries. It is also good to practice together how
to set their own boundaries and stand up for themselves. When a child or young person knows that adults do not have unlimited control over them, they feel safer and understand that they can also make their own decisions.
to influence life.
Always provide opportunities to make choices and decisions according to the situation, age, and
Encourage children and young people to consider the different possible consequences of their decisions.
to think and take responsibility for the decisions they make. When a young person feels that they can and are capable of making their own
make decisions, increases his independence and reduces his dependence on adults as
“"the bearer of sole power".
Help develop the young person's analytical skills so that they can recognize when and how they might
question authority. An adult can encourage a young person to ask questions when
something seems uncomfortable or incomprehensible to him. If a young person knows how to use authority in the right situation
question, he is likely to be less manipulable and better able to spot
signs of abuse. It is important to accept that children and young people make mistakes. Allow the young person to
make mistakes and instead of punishing or criticizing, support them in learning from their mistakes. It is important
to develop young people's understanding that making mistakes is a part of life.
However, it is especially important that every child and young person has at least one safe adult to whom they can
He can always turn to her, no matter what the concern or problem.
Unfortunately, young people who are vulnerable often lack a long-term safe and reliable
working-age. However, this puts them at greater risk of falling into an exploitative power relationship.
A safe adult can help the young person analyze the situation and help take action if necessary.
steps to change this. If a child or young person has fallen victim to abuse or
A victim of sexual harassment often experiences strong feelings of guilt and shame. An adult who
the young person trusts, you can assure the young person that responsibility always lies with the person who committed the act,
never the victim. Especially young people, who are more vulnerable, often lose confidence in themselves,
against other people or the world. They may feel that all adults are letting them down
and the world is not a safe place. If there is someone with whom a young person can share their feelings and experiences
If shared safely, there is a greater chance that they will reach out to a specialist for help.
The vulnerability of children and young people, or their very strong need to belong, to be seen and
understood (we all have these needs) can be consciously or even juvenilely ignored
This does not mean that the child or young person was stupid, weak or worthy, but that he or she was
in a situation that he could not control at that moment. The effects of power and manipulation are
psychologically difficult, and many adults who have experienced such a thing as a young person
lived, may need a lot of time to understand and recover. So a call to all: let's not
Never blame a person for what another person did to them.
In addition, I would like to point out that if you suspect or know that a child or young person has experienced injustice or abuse, your reaction is decisive. It is important to refrain from blaming and criticizing. Regardless of the child or young person's behavior, it is important to understand that he or she did
the best you can at that moment. Listen to them without judgment and offer unconditional support. Try to help them let go of guilt. Reassure the child or young person that what happened to them was not their fault. If possible and necessary, help them find appropriate and effective support.
Do not be afraid to turn to specialists, discuss with the child and young person how this can support them, choose a specialist together with the child and young person and, if possible (if the young person wishes), go with them. There are several organizations and specialists in Estonia who offer
support and help in a difficult situation, some of which I will highlight here:
- Childcare (116111): free and anonymous help, which can also be accessed by
adults. - Main page: mental health counseling, including for victims of sexual violence.
- Victim assistance: special support for people who have experienced abuse and harassment
(including calling the victim assistance crisis line 116 006. The crisis line offers support and
listening if you have experienced violence, loss, or been in a traumatic situation
or has it happened to someone close to you or someone you know? The counselors at the crisis line listen,
share information about help options and, if necessary, direct you to the right person
to specialists) - Orphanage: offers support to children who have been sexually abused or suspected of being so.
The orphanages are located in Tallinn, Tartu and Jõhvi.
In addition, I would like to remind everyone: Always report if you suspect that a child or young person is missing.
used or abused! This could save a child or young person's life.
Pursuant to § 27 of the Child Protection Act, all people have the obligation to report someone in need of help or
about a child in danger. The notification must be sent either to the local government
to a child protection worker, the child helpline 116111 or in the case of a child in danger
emergency number 112.
As of January 1, § 27 has been supplemented by identifying specialists from whom special
duty of care in noticing a child's need for help, informing them about it and providing the necessary information
These are teachers of primary, secondary, vocational and hobby education and childcare, and
support specialists, child care nannies, child welfare workers,
youth workers, coaches, hobby group instructors, healthcare professionals, police officers and
victim support workers who come into direct contact with children in their work or professional activities.
Additional information:
https://www.lasteabi.ee/et/teata-abivajavast-lapsest